6 Steps to Help Your Competitive Swimmer Bounce Back After a Disappointing Meet

overcoming disappointment

Swimming can be a rollercoaster ride. One day, your child is celebrating a personal best, and the next, they’re walking off the pool deck with slumped shoulders after a meet that didn’t go their way. It’s tough to watch your young competitive swimmer struggle with disappointment, but how you respond as a parent can make all the difference in how they bounce back.

In this post, we’ll talk about ways you can help your competitive swimmer process their feelings, reframe their experience, and grow stronger from setbacks. By the end, you’ll feel more confident supporting them through these challenging moments.

Step 1: Let Them Feel Disappointed

When your competitive swimmer is upset about not hitting a personal best, your first instinct might be to cheer them up. But before you jump in with reassurances, take a moment to simply let them feel what they’re feeling. Disappointment is a natural part of competition, and it’s important to acknowledge it.

You might say:

  • “I know you’re feeling upset right now, and that’s okay. It just shows how much you care.”
  • “It’s hard when things don’t go the way we hope. I’m here for you.”

By validating their emotions, you create a safe space for them to process what happened without feeling judged or rushed to move on.

Step 2: Shift the Focus to Effort

Once your competitive swimmer feels heard, you can start to guide the conversation toward the positives. Help them see that their value isn’t tied to the results on the scoreboard but to the effort and dedication they bring to their sport.

Some ways to reframe the experience include:

  • Effort Matters Most: “You worked really hard leading up to this meet, and that effort is what counts the most. Every great competitive swimmer has tough days.”
  • Highlight Improvements: “Did you notice how much stronger your dives looked this time? That’s progress, even if it doesn’t show up in the times just yet.”
  • Setbacks Are Steppingstones: “Meets like this are part of the journey. They teach us what to work on so we can come back even stronger.”

By shifting the focus, you’re helping your competitive swimmer see the bigger picture and not get stuck on one disappointing outcome.

Step 3: Help Them Name Their Feelings

Kids often feel overwhelmed by disappointment because they don’t know how to articulate what they’re experiencing. By encouraging them to talk about their emotions, you can help them gain clarity and feel more in control.

Try asking questions like:

  • “What’s the hardest part about today for you?”
  • “Was there anything you felt proud of during the meet?”
  • “What do you think you want to work on next?”

Naming their emotions and reflecting on the experience helps your competitive swimmer move past the initial sting and start thinking about what’s next.

Step 4: Be Their Biggest Cheerleader (Unconditionally)

Your unconditional support is the foundation of your competitive swimmer’s confidence. Research published in Developmental Psychology shows that kids who feel their parents’ unwavering support are more resilient and better equipped to handle setbacks.

Here’s how to show unconditional support:

  • Be There: Your presence—whether you’re on the sidelines cheering or waiting for them at home—speaks volumes.
  • Separate Worth from Performance: Remind your child that you love them for who they are, not how they perform. “You’re amazing to me, no matter what the stopwatch says.”
  • Celebrate Effort: Recognize their dedication and courage. “I’m so proud of how you kept pushing yourself today.”

These messages reinforce that their worth isn’t tied to their swimming results—a lesson that will stay with them for life.

Step 5: Set a Game Plan

Once your competitive swimmer has had time to process the meet, help them turn their disappointment into a plan for growth. Having a clear focus can be incredibly empowering and help them feel in control again.

Here’s how to create a plan:

  1. Reflect Together: Sit down and talk about what went well and what could improve. “What do you think was one of your strengths today?”
  2. Set Small, Achievable Goals: Focus on areas they can control, like technique or mindset. “Let’s work on turns this week—maybe doing an extra few in practice.”
  3. Celebrate Progress: Make a big deal out of the small wins along the way to keep them motivated.

Step 6: Model Resilience

Kids take their cues from you, so how you handle challenges can shape how they approach their own. Share stories of times when you faced setbacks and what you learned from them.

For example:

  • “I remember when I didn’t get the job I really wanted. It felt so disappointing, but I used that time to work on my skills, and it made a huge difference in the long run.”

When they see you facing challenges with determination and perspective, they’ll be more likely to do the same.

Turning Setbacks into Comebacks

It’s hard to watch your child struggle with disappointment, but these moments are also opportunities for growth. By validating their feelings, reframing their perspective, and showing unconditional support, you can help them build resilience and confidence that will serve them in swimming and beyond.

Remember, every competitive swimmer—from beginners to Olympians—has tough meets. It’s how they respond to those moments that shapes their future. With your guidance, your competitive swimmer can turn setbacks into steppingstones and come back stronger than ever.

So, the next time your competitive swimmer walks away from the pool feeling down, take a deep breath, give them a big hug, and remind them that every race is part of their journey. You’re in this together, and their best is yet to come. Looking for additional tips and resources? Check out USA Swimming’s Parent Resources for expert advice on supporting your swimmer every step of the way.

If you’re looking for more ways to support your competitive swimmer, visit PsychSheet.com to schedule a discovery call. Let’s work together to help your child thrive both in and out of the pool!